Why Don't Academics Do More Cocaine?

As a data point, here's what a friend told me about the only experience he had with the drug. His cognitive process went roughly like this:

Yay! I'm the coolest motherfucker on the planet! I'm the master of the universe! Wait, wait . . . ten minutes ago I wasn't thinking that. That's when I hadn't done the coke yet. There may be a causal connection. Most likely I'm only feeling like that because of the coke. The hypothesis that I'm the master of the universe seems totally implausible anyway, once I think about objective indicators. Ugh, this is weird. Can I come down now?

Lesson: Works best for people who need it the least.

Me, I've never done cocaine. Life's too short anyway, why would I want to do a drug that makes me faster?

(Another coke-related anecdote)