Transformers 2: Apparently Not Quiet Quality

Matthew Baldwin of Defective Yeti in general, and The Bad Review Revue in particular, should be posting this, but as he's busy reading Infinite Jest and the updates on his blog have been pretty infrequent recently I thought I'd fill in for him.

So. It seems not everybody loved Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

"Big, loud and definitely not clever, it's a giant, lumbering idiot of a movie that, were it not for all the explosions, would send the most devoted action fans to sleep." - David Edwards, Daily Mirror

"Despite the story being simple to the point of idiocy, it's impossible for any carbon-based lifeform to follow. That's because virtually all the dialogue is inaudible." - Chris Tokey, Daily Mail

"[L]ike watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan." - Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian

"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

"Not wishing to overstate the case, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the pretentious, nonsensical, sexist, jingoistic, militaristic, CGI-dependent, product-placement-packed, hectically edited, punishingly loud, wearyingly long, eye-wateringly expensive, and, I predict, phenomenally profitable exemplar of everything that is most repulsive about Hollywood today." - Nicholas Barber, The Independent

"At an inexplicable 2 1/2 hours, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is subscribing to the institutionalized conclusion that Americans don't care what you feed them, as long as the portions are dangling off the plate." - John Anderson, Washington Post